The self-indulgent
Many people, especially those with high levels of narcissism, often escape from displeasing reality into a cocoon of pleasure. They are more into self-pampering than self-denial or self-restraint and see no reason why they can’t feel good all the time, which unfortunately can cause problems for themselves and others, especially their partners. The self-indulgent come in several forms:
The Hedonist
The Hedonist’s motto is ‘if it feels good do it’. So he indulges himself in whatever it is that he enjoys but his inability to say ‘no’ to himself puts an extra burden of responsibility on to those around him, especially his partner who will most likely have to deny herself many pleasures because of the Hedonist’s insistence on having more than his fare share.
The Spendthrift
The Spendthrift is a version of Hedonist who believes she deserves whatever she wants, whether she can afford it or not. She simply refuses to go without and refuses to deny herself anything, no matter what the consequences. She will squander her own and other’s finances to the point of bankruptcy. She will spend the rent money on a new pair of shoes, the week’s food budget on a night out at a fancy restaurant, the children’s school fees on a holiday, the car payment on tickets to a concert. Her credit cards are always maxed out; her wages spent before they are earned and debt hangs over her like the sword of Damocles. She is a stressful person to share a life with and her partner, unless extremely wealthy will never have peace of mind or financial security.
The Addict
The Addict refuses to tolerate any discomforting feeling that contradicts his grandiose view of himself. Why should he be sad, frustrated, disappointed or unhappy when feeling good is so easy, when relief comes in a convenient bottle, pill, syringe, the mesmerizing distraction of a poker machine, or anything else that makes him feel good? To the Addict, achieving the state that his drug gives is the only thing that matters. His narcissism makes him believe that he has the right to indulge himself and do as he pleases even if it is damaging to himself or others or even if it is illegal. He denies his behaviour is a problem, that he is addicted and denies there is anything wrong with him. Anyone who says otherwise is mad, interfering, or a wowser. He can deny to himself that he has a problem because he feels in control, because doing as he pleases feels to him like being in control, and he doesn’t see that control is about not doing whatever he wants.
The Addict has difficulty loving anyone. Other people are than things that either make life and getting his drug easier or harder. It is impossible to have a close relationship with an Addict without being damaged in some way.
The Stud/Sex Siren
These people are sexual athletes and show-offs, confident of their prowess and irresistibility. Their style might be predatory, seductive, macho or erotic game playing. Like the legendary Casanova they are sexual adventurers. They are self-obsessed and have no interest in a partner as an individual only as someone who satisfies their urges and to proves their desirability. Monogamy is anathema to them, they are never faithful and while they might be happy to receive commitment, loyalty and intimacy from a partner, they are incapable of giving such things themselves.
The Married Batchelor/Batchelorette
These people want the comfort and security of a marriage or long-term relationship but they still think and act as though they are single because their egocentricity makes genuine commitment to another impossible. Their partner and relationship make a convenient base but as soon as they walk out the door, their partner or marriage ceases to exist for them. They take the relationship for granted in the same way they do anything else that makes life comfortable and easy. They make no effort to sustain or enhance the bond with their partner, are usually unfaithful, and treat their partner with casual neglect.
The Adventurer
To the Adventurer life is about excitement, extreme experiences, thrills, risks, novelty. He is driven by restlessness and the lure of the unknown. Every day for him is like an adventure holiday. He is one of life’s wanderers (even if he stays physically in one place) who will try anything, go anywhere, do anything. His chronically under stimulated brain and low threshold of boredom requires constant movement, change, action. He brings the same attitude to his finances, employment, sex and relationships. He is not someone to settle down with, to him people are for brief encounters or temporary travelling companions not permanent fixtures in his life.
Many people fit into more than one of the above categories. But anyone who lacks self-control, who is devoted to self-gratification, and who is prone to excess (although they may be fun, entertaining, or good company) is likely to be unreliable, have little regard for others and not the type to make any sort of stable life with.
Copyright Ultimate-self.com 2007 All rights reserved.
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