Showing off
Almost every like attention but many people are complete attention junkies who need external reassurance from others that they are who they believe themselves to be (interesting, entertaining, loved, admired, special).
Admiration from others feeds the illusion that they are everything they want to be so they love groups, teams, clubs, gangs, parties, or anywhere they can find people in numbers and where they can put on a show, laugh, tell jokes and stories, and be the centre of attention.
They need friends, fans and allies who agree with them, admire them and reinforce their high opinion of themselves. Solitude is not for such people and cosy coupledom rarely satisfies for long. An audience of one, no matter how appreciative, cannot compete with a multitude. They prefer to live through, for, and by, casual encounters, as though life loses meaning or they cease to exist when not in the company of others.
Such show offs might be social climbers seeking to ingratiate themselves with ’superior’ people or they might associate with those ‘lower’ than themselves in intelligence or social standing so that they more readily impress and stand out as someone obviously ‘better’. They judge others, not by their qualities but by how much admiration and flattery they provide so that even the most appalling or degenerate people are acceptable if they supply the attention the show off craves.
Some people’s need for attention, praise, and adulation is so insatiable they will do whatever it takes to get them. So he is ‘popular’, not because he genuinely likes people or they like him any more than superficially, but because he needs the attention of an audience to feel important and reflect back to him the image of superiority he aims to project.
Attention is like a drug of addiction to many and their pursuit of it is constant, unrestrained and out of control. Everything he does is with the intention of getting people to respond to him in a way that will give him prestige and status, gain him compliments and applause. So, he ’sucks up’ to people by any means that works (such as the use of shameless gossip to impress them with how much he knows).
In general, he shows more interest in casual acquaintances or people he has just met (and needs to impress) than his partner or family. He or she wastes time, effort, and energy socializing, partying, talking on the phone, visiting, and constantly surrounding him or herself with people. She squanders time that she might better spend on her career, education, family, or building strong, lasting relationships, on people with whom she has only superficial, tenuous and transitory relationships. Although irrational, such people often neglect those who really care for them for the buzz of attention from casual associates who would be unlikely to care or help or even be around, in times of need.
Some people are true exhibitionists. They brag, fish for compliments, ‘perform’, or behave in outlandish and scandalous ways, even using notoriety to get attention, proudly flouting dress codes, social conventions, or morals, and even boasting about their antisocial behaviour, or law breaking. They believe the adage that there is no such thing as bad publicity. They need a visible reaction from people and if it does not come naturally then they will do what they need to extract it, and if the reaction cannot be admiration, then shock or fear will do.
Although the show off wants admiration, if someone disapproves of something he says or does, he doesn’t care, doesn’t apologize or try to make amends. He ignores their response, cuts them from his life, or seeks revenge for the ‘insult’, and moves on to someone more accepting. Someone’s disapproval indicates that they do not see him the way he sees himself and therefore they are wrong and inferior.
He has no time for people who do not lavish attention on him. But often, because he needs the good opinion of others, he can’t afford to displease and so goes out of his way to make sure that none of those he relies on for attention will disapprove of him in any way. This makes him easily led, a hypocrite who changes his opinions, beliefs, and values instantly to those of the people he seeks to impress, and a coward who fears not being liked.
He plays whatever part will most impress and make him acceptable but does not necessarily have any real commitment to the role. A businessman I once knew prided himself on being a good employer. He boasted about how he looked after ‘his people’. He regularly supplied his employees with after-work drinks and showed apparent concern for their private and family lives. Yet despite claiming to care so much about them, he short-changed them in wages, conditions and entitlements .
Show offs are often fun, happy-go-lucky, good-natured and full of bonhomie. In his efforts to impress, he can seem generous, considerate and obliging. He may try to buy friends, with gifts, help, or favours - not out of genuine affection and concern, but out of his need for self-promotion, to demonstrate and prove that he is generous, kind, good. But often his efforts to impress others are at the expense of those closest to him.
A friend I’ll call Catherine was married to a compulsive show off who frequently lent money to friends that the family could ill afford and spent weekends helping his mates while his own house and garden suffered from neglect. But worse was to come. ‘We lived in a bush fire area at the time,’ Catherine told me, ‘and one summer there was a fire close by. The smoke was so thick that the fire could have been at the end of the road for all we knew. The fire brigade told us to prepare our houses as best we could and be ready to evacuate if need be. But my husband went off to help our neighbours and left me with three terrified kids to cope on my own. Our guttering hadn’t been cleaned out in years and there were piles of junk stacked around the shed but our property didn’t matter to him apparently, he was too intent on impressing the neighbours with what a ’selfless’, ‘good bloke’ he was.’
Fortunately, the fire spared Catherine’s street and house but she could not forgive her husband’s abandonment at a time of danger and even the neighbours he helped were appalled by his attitude. He would do anything apparently, even risk his home and jeopardize the safety of his family, for an opportunity to impress people who ultimately meant little to him.
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