Overconfidence
Feeling confident feels good. It’s something we all aspire to. And almost everyone finds confidence in others appealing and reassuring. But like most things it’s a matter of balance. Overly confident people can be a danger to themselves and others.
We all have what psychologists call Self-Focussed Protective Confidence, which is perhaps best demonstrated by that feeling of ‘it won’t happen to me’. Without such protective confidence we would be paralyzed by fear of all the possible things that could happen to us. We all need some feeling of immunity from harm to feel safe and secure yet still have the common sense to take reasonable precautions against mishap where we can.
It is normal and healthy to have a degree of self-doubt and/or fear when facing new challenges. It might feel uncomfortable but self-doubt can be beneficial. It makes us more cautious and careful when we face the unfamiliar and therefore makes our safety and success more likely. There is a difference between confidence in your ability to learn new things and to cope with new situations and assuming you can automatically do anything—like some super hero.
Some people, because of their belief in their own superiority, have so much Protective Confidence they believe they are invincible and immortal. They might intellectually know that things can go wrong for them, that they can have accidents, get sick, and die, yet they don’t really believe it, can’t imagine such things, and dismiss the very idea.
We all have a degree of Protective Confidence and a level of self-confidence based on knowledge of our various abilities and talents. Narcissists though have excessive Protective Confidence and a self-confidence founded in ignorance, distorted thinking, and unrealistic self-inflation. Narcissists walk through life as though a guardian angel watches over them, which can make them blasé, impulsive, and careless. The comedian Peter Sellers for example, actually believed that a spirit protected and guided him his whole life so he felt he didn’t need to give much thought to his decisions or actions because they would always turn out for the best.
Some people are so sure of themselves, their views and their abilities, so free of worries, anxieties, and self-doubt that it seems natural to accept their view of reality and themselves. Their unshakable conviction that they are right inspires trust. Their absolute self-assuredness convinces us that they can be relied upon, that they are natural leaders or even saviours. They seem free of problems, or at least don’t admit to any because problems contradict their image of superiority. They appear to have control over their life and everything in it. They are often carefree, optimistic, buoyant and imperturbable. Or if they are the dark and broody type, confident of their unique ‘genius’, ‘talent’ or ‘suffering’.
Only narcissists can be so sure of themselves. Their confidence may be appealing but they rarely live up to the impression they give, are rarely as clever, skilled, or knowledgeable as they seem. Because they lack self-doubt they have no interest in other people’s ideas or views. Their logic is by definition superior so whatever they believe has to be true simply because they believe it. They see no need to question or prove its accuracy. So they are often dogmatic and stubborn, refusing to back down, change their opinions or rethink poor decisions. They are never wrong, never make mistakes and know everything. When they do face anything that dents their confidence or self-esteem they quickly retreat from it. They may well be intelligent but they lack common sense and wisdom.
Narcissists ‘know’ they can do anything they set their mind to even if they have no experience, training, or knowledge in that area. If they really wanted to they could act, sing, paint, build a house, or ride a horse, instantly, brilliantly. They can even have such confidence in their will power that they feel free to use drugs or alcohol to excess without the risk of addiction. They might never feel the need to use contraception because if they don’t want a pregnancy it won’t happen to them. They are risk takers, because no harm can come to them.
A normal person might well be overconfident but they can admit they have limitations and that there are things they are not good at, but not the narcissist. In 2000, Dr David Dunning, professor of psychology at Cornell University, undertook an interesting study. He found that most incompetent people have no idea they are incompetent and in fact have greater confidence in their abilities than much more capable people did in their’s. Dr Dunning’s incompetents were blissfully ignorant of their shortcomings, grossly overestimate their abilities, and were supremely self-assured despite there being no basis for it. Dr Dunning never determined whether his incompetents had narcissistic personalities but it seems highly likely.
Dr Dunning would probably find Sally’s boyfriend an interesting subject. When Sally had trouble with her car her new boyfriend offered to fix it for her. He worked on her car all one Sunday but in peak hour traffic on the way to work Monday morning, it broke down in the middle of a major intersection. The mechanic Sally called on for help was scathing about the ‘idiot’ who had messed about with the engine and put parts in back to front. Her boyfriend’s tinkering caused a much more serious problem than the original one and cost Sally dearly, in money, inconvenience, and stress. When she confronted her boyfriend, he confessed that he didn’t really know much that about cars but it hadn’t occurred to him that he couldn’t fix hers. Sally’s anger upset him. He had been generous enough to help her out and he couldn’t understand why she wasn’t grateful.
Overconfident people usually have an unrealistic view of themselves and the world and we should be wary of trusting that view.
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