Defining narcissism
“(Narcissism is) self-love (that) precludes the ability to see, hear, or react to the needs of another.”
I came across this quote recently in the book The Narcissistic Family by Stephanie Donaldson-Pressman and Robert M Pressman. This one sentence neatly sums up the core symptom of the narcissist, their main impact on others and why narcissism is such a damaging disorder.
There are more detailed definitions of narcissism. The American Psychological Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM IV-R) is probably the most widely known and used diagnostic criteria for narcissism. For a diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder a person must display 5 or more of the following:
1. A grandiose sense of self-importance, expecting to be recognized as superior whether or not they demonstrate or possess superior qualities and abilities.
2. Preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited power, success, brilliance, beauty or ideal love.
3. Believes they are “special” and unique.
4. Requires excessive admiration.
5. Has a sense of entitlement. Has an unreasonable expectation of especially favourable treatment or automatic compliance with their expectations.
6. Is interpersonally exploitative and takes advantage of others to achieve their own ends.
7. Lacks empathy and is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others.
8. Is often envious of others or believes others are envious of them.
9. Has arrogant and haughty attitudes and behaviour.But even this description does not give an indication of the troublesome or destructive beliefs, attitudes and behaviours that narcissism produces, such as:
- Attention-seeking, showing off and bragging.
- Overestimating the self and underestimating others or dismissing them entirely.
- Over-reaction to criticism and slights, which can lead to:
- A tendency toward anger, rage and/or violence or,
- A need to punish and take revenge on anyone who doesn’t support their grandiosity.
- Inconsiderate and selfish acts.
- Lack of insight, perception and awareness.
- Risk-taking (because nothing bad can happen to them).
- Emptiness, restlessness and boredom.
- Obsessions, compulsions and addictions.
- Rebellion, defiance and problems with authority (no one tells them what to do).
- Stubbornness and willfulness.
- General thoughtlessness leading to rash acts, carelessness and problems in daily life such as frequently running out of petrol, “forgetting” to pay bills, being late, and “forgetting” things important to others (such as their birthdays).
- Shallowness and superficiality.
- Lack of commitment to anyone or thing but themselves.
- Blame shifting (such as blaming those they hurt for their own bad behaviour).
- Poor judgement.
- Lack of values (or morals).
- Unreliability.
- A need for domination, power and control.
Not all narcissists will necessarily exhibit every one of these characteristics but they all have the “self-love (that) precludes the ability to see, hear, or react to the needs of another.”
© Ultimate-self.com 2008. All rights reserved.
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