Deceptive appearances
The devil is most devilish when respectable.
We like to think we can spot a bad guy. We assume that if we ever come across someone dangerous we will be able to recognize and avoid them. But most acts of violence and abuse are committed by apparently ordinary people, not deranged psychotics or horned demons. We are more likely to be betrayed, hurt, attacked, injured, or murdered by someone we know (and probably trust) than a stranger.
If someone seems good, we assume they are good. We take people at their own estimation. If someone thinks they are ‘good’ we rarely question their assessment of themselves. But no matter how badly people behave, very few ever consider themselves ‘bad’. They see themselves either as blameless or justified in their actions. Even the worst criminals usually think well of themselves. From Hitler to hit men, most criminals think that what they do is necessary, justified, or even praiseworthy.
We do judge the book by the cover. We assume that what we see is what we get, so that most of us are easily fooled by appearances. The fact is, that most of us don’t even know what is in our own psyches, let alone understand the darkness that might lurk in another’s.
At a barbecue some time ago I met a charming, personable man. We chatted about gardening, renovating, his beloved golden Labrador and my two pooches, and the fund raising efforts for his children’s primary school. He introduced me to his young daughter, pointed out his wife to whom he blew a kiss and when one of the many children running and playing in the backyard fell over, he picked the boy up, consoled him, wiped his tears and sent him off with a kindly pat on the head. Everyone seemed to know and like this man and the impression he made on me was of a devoted husband and father, a kind and compassionate man.
Three months later he was arrested for child sexual abuse. He had been molesting his eleven-year-old daughter for most of her life but his perversion was only exposed when he tried to do the same to a young niece.
Everyone was shocked, not only by his dreadful acts but by their own misjudgment of his character. How could so many people get it so wrong? Why did no one ever suspect what he was capable of? Because he gave an excellent impression of a man who loved children, women, and animals, a man who wouldn’t hurt a fly, when all the time he was the worst of heartbreakers.
We are especially vulnerable when we trust appearances. If someone treats us well, behaves reasonably and seems nice, we assume that they are, never thinking that it might be an act. We invariably trust a ‘gentleman’. Of course, some people are exactly what they seem to be, but many are not.
People looking and hoping for romance are particularly vulnerable because we see the prospective love interest through the distorting lens of romance. Looking for love dampens down our natural wariness and allows us to be more easily taken in. Women particularly are educated to believe that men will take care of us, love and protect us. At the back of our minds are stories of Prince Charming, White Knights, heroes, and saviours. Women in fact most often trust the very men who betray and brutalize them.
There are no identifying labels to distinguish people who will hurt us from those who won’t. Because we feel a strong reluctance to hurt other people ourselves, it is hard to believe or understand how anyone can. No one wants to believe that the person they love is capable of hurting them, or worse still, that they might be just plain bad.
And it is almost impossible to identify dangerous people if they consciously, deliberately, and often expertly, disguise, hide, mislead and deceive about their motives and intentions. It may take a long time before their predatory nature shows itself. They might give every appearance of goodness, but they are not interested in actually being good, only looking as though they are.
Seductive but calculated charm is often a part of villainy, from Dracula to Iago, beguiling Othello into believing his lies, to the handsome, educated, apparently upstanding citizen Ted Bundy, who held respectable jobs, did charity work, and even wrote a pamphlet on rape prevention while he murdered dozens of women and young girls. Women liked Ted Bundy and so did most people he met. He had such a talent for winning people over that relatives, friends, and even some of the police investigating the murders dismissed their suspicions about him. Dangerous people are often experts at disguise, hide their evil from others behind respectability and hide it from themselves behind excuses and justifications.
One of the most sinister, brazen, and deceptive bad guys, the infamous pedophile ex Catholic priest Michael Glennon, during decades as a child molester, played the part of pious, compassionate, and trustworthy man of God. He was a friend and confidant to his adoring and trusting parishioners and all the while, he was raping their children. He knew how to make people feel special, feel good, so that even many of his victims revered him. He shamelessly used his position to gain access to his victims, and systematically raped and abused so many children that even he can’t remember them all (The Age, 11/10/03).
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