Dangerous charisma
Some people are more than just charming, they are charismatic and enthralling, with personalities hard to resist. Some are like a hypnotic Svengali, a magician casting a spell so that their target becomes slavishly devoted and bound to them.
It’s hard to define what charisma is exactly but most of us know it when we see it. At a civic function some years ago I met Australia’s ex-Labour prime minister Bob Hawke. I was struck by how ordinary he was, smaller than I’d imagined, not particularly good looking and no better dressed than most other men present but when I was introduced to him I had an instant lesson in charisma. He fixed me with a direct and intense gaze, full of interest, as though I was the only person in the room, for that moment anyway. His handshake was firm and enthusiastic and his smile, despite a thin, almost cruel looking mouth, was warm and welcoming and his ‘hello’ had the tone one saves for a friend one has not seen for a long time. He gave every person he met his undivided and intense attention. He had the hearty laugh, confidence and body language of an alpha male and moved through the crowd as though caught in the beam of an invisible spotlight. I had never been a fan of his (his history of infidelity and alcohol abuse were a turn off) but it was hard not to like him in a superficial sort of way.
When we describe someone as having charisma it usually means they have a certain quality of personality that sets them apart from others who therefore treat them as exceptional. Many charismatic people are moral and responsible but many are narcissists who claim superiority and therefore a right to privilege, power and obedience. Many con artists, gigolos, cult leaders and criminals use personal charisma as their main weapon.
The charismatic narcissist behaves in a way contrived to give the right impression, which will in turn inspire enthusiasm and devotion from his audience. He uses whatever works to create that impression—body language, mystery, confidence, expertise, knowledge, oratory, animation, facial expressions, smiles, eye contact, interest.
The very presence of a charismatic narcissist can be exciting. He has some enticing inner quality—high confidence, sexual energy, self-belief, determination, daring, optimism—that his audience admires and wants, and probably lack themselves. Some have an appealing ability to amuse and entertain. Such qualities might be natural but can be exaggerated or even fabricated.
Theatricality plays a large part in charisma so that the image the audience wants or expects, or more importantly the image that is most effective in winning converts, is the one cultivated.
Some charismatic individuals construct a reality like the director of a play, perhaps choosing their settings, scripting their dialogue, setting up scenes so they can stage and perform their role. They choose words and body language that incite the imagination of the audience and convince them that they are understood; their needs are known and will be met.
The charismatic can give the appearance of someone with power and insight, someone to be trusted, a hero to save the day, someone who can protect, rescue and satisfy. He might appear larger than life, dazzling with flamboyant showmanship, someone interesting and exciting. Or he might seem cool and knowledgeable, independent, strong and capable. But however he comes across it is a performance aimed at gaining influence over others so that he can more easily persuade them to do what he wants.
Such a charismatic individual is often so skilled and has such a forceful personality that he holds others in thrall. It’s as though he manages to transpose his belief in his grandiose self-image and superiority into the minds of others so that they see the same grandiose self that he does and surrender to someone who, by definition then, must be far above them.
Once a person believes that another is trustworthy as well as special or superior it may well feel right and safe to put themselves in his hands believing he knows best and has their best interests at heart.
Many people who met the artist Pablo Picasso found his personality intoxicating. He had a seductive animal magnetism and because of his strong sex drive, an intense interest in women that could be heady and flattering. And it was a point of pride with him never to do or be like other people, never to be ordinary or predictable. Although short and stocky and not particularly good looking he had a compelling charm, piercing eyes, a dashing bohemianism with a hint of danger, a vigour and inner fire that many found attractive and some found irresistible. He could be funny, tender, gentle, and adept at creating a mood of intimacy and attachment where none actually existed. He set out to seduce people. His motive though was not love or friendship but control and domination.
When twenty-one-year-old art student Françoise Gilot first met Picasso he was sixty-two with a reputation as a notorious womaniser. At first he was her mentor, teacher, advisor. He was patient and understanding, made her feel at ease, was someone she could talk to about anything, someone she could trust completely; a true friend. He let her know he wanted more than friendship but never hurried her, gave her a choice so that she assumed he respected her wishes. She was touched by his ‘extraordinary gentleness’, but like all his women, once she made a commitment to him, once she was bound to him, she suffered from his cruelty, domination and betrayals. On one occasion, when she wanted time alone, he burnt a hole in her cheek with his cigarette for daring to want some distance from him.
It is easier to submit and give the ‘star’ precedence. If they are ‘stronger’ or more strong-willed than us we may well defer to them, may even feel safe and protected by them without suspecting they will use their strength against us, not for us. Such people frequently absorb others, consuming their lives and personalities. Or, if the charisma kid is fun and exciting to be with, we may become addicted to them and tolerate all sorts of abuse for the sake of the good times. And if someone has a combination of charisma, fame and/or wealth, others are even more likely to put up with appalling treatment for the privilege of associating with them.
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See related articles: Bullies and baddies, Heartbreakers, Disordered personalities, Natural narcissism.
