July 7th, 2008
How to spot an abuser
Far too many people find themselves in abusive relationships. Abuse (either physical, verbal, emotional or psychological) in a romantic relationship can be extremely damaging but friends, relatives, co-workers, and employers can also be abusive. Unfortunately most of us have no idea what we are getting into until it is too late. Abusers invariably put on a pleasant “front” at first, until they have us where they want us. But even during this time, they usually show signs that give a clue to what they are capable of. If a person displays any of the following, be very wary of them:
- Poor impulse control. A lack of self-control means there are no breaks on behaviour that can be damaging to others.
- A sense of entitlement.
- Lack of empathy and sympathy for others.
- Is needy or dependent.
- Is demanding and insistent on having their own way all the time.
- Has, or has had, trouble making and keeping relationships (has had very many failed relationships or very few relationships).
- Comes on too strong, too quickly.
- Tries to alienate you from your friends, family, co-workers etc.
- Abuses alcohol or drugs.
- Has a history of physical, verbal or sexual abuse.
- Has a history of mental illness.
- Has trouble supporting themselves.
- Shows antisocial behaviour such as breaking laws and ignoring rules.
- Is aggressive, combative, and hostile.
- Has a bad temper.
- Is preoccupied with sex.
- Mistreats animals. Anyone who is cruel to, or mistreats animals, is likely to do the same to people.
Having one of the above qualities does not necessarily make someone a potential abuser (although it may). The more of such qualities someone possesses the more likely they are to be a destructive force in the lives of others. We need to pay attention to the people who share our lives and not automatically assume that they all have good intentions toward us.
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