Ultimate Self (realizing personal potential)

Burnout is a term used to describe a state of physical, mental and emotional exhaustion caused by prolonged stress. Stress is something we feel when the demands on us exceed our ability to cope with them. Stress is caused by any number of things:

• Confusion

• Frustration

• Disappointed hopes

• Failed expectations

• Emotional pressure

• Trying to satisfy unrelenting demands

• Trying to manage chaos

• Being overwhelmed by too much to do

• Constantly struggling to assert your rights

• Struggling to be accepted, struggling to be yourself

• Being ignored, discounted, neglected

• Having a role or expectations you do not want forced upon you

• Trying to be what you are not

• Feelings of failure and inadequacy

• Denying your own needs in favour of another’s

• Feeling anger/resentment at someone you are supposed to care for or love

• Lack of information

• Feeling powerless

• A lack of affection and/or respect

• Unpredictability

Burnout comes from always giving and never getting. It comes from futility, from trying and working hard and never getting anywhere. Any situation where we give and give and receive little, anything that makes heavy demands and gives few rewards can lead to feeling emotionally drained and burnt out.

People in the caring professions are prone to burn out, so are parents, carers of the elderly, ill and the disabled. People in abusive or dysfunctional relationships or families invariably suffer burnout (and often progress to depression of full-blown stress breakdowns). Idealistic and conscientious people are especially prone to burnout because they give so much of themselves.

Burnout is a cumulative process with distinct stages that may be imperceptible until the symptoms overwhelm and debilitate the sufferer.

• At first everything is wonderful and the new job or relationship seems so promising.

• Then we begin to realize things are not working out the way we hoped they would. We are giving a lot and getting little in return.

• Disillusion and disappointment grow. We are confused but not sure about exactly what is wrong. So we try harder but things don’t improve, they deteriorated and we are increasingly frustrated and our self-confidence plummets. We feel unappreciated and taken for granted and resentment builds.

• Symptoms of stress begin to appear, loss of motivation, fatigue, apathy, irritability, loss of interest in food and sex, trouble sleeping, withdrawal or escapist behaviour to avoid the feeling of discontent. We feel like a failure and our self-esteem suffers. Emotional paralysis sets in and pessimism colours everything.

• Burnout sufferers lose confidence and their sense of humour. Their memory might be impaired and they have trouble concentrating. Their morale plummets and their emotions may shut down so that they feel numb. Burnout is not the same as depression but it has many symptoms in common such as lethargy, loss of enthusiasm, fatigue, and losing a sense of purpose and hope.

Burnout is an inherent hazard in any relationship where one partner must give much more than the other and try much harder to make the relationship work. Such a partner can feel a chronic emptiness. Such a relationship can lead to feeling sucked dry and hollowed out in a world that looks flat and grey. The giver’s emotional account, which they have been withdrawing from daily and which has rarely had a deposit in the relationship, finally becomes overdrawn and the symptoms of burnout are a declaration of emotional bankruptcy.

To overcome burnout and prevent a full stress breakdown, clinical depression, thoughts of suicide, or serious physical illness, we need to recognized and correct the causes of burnout. This requires an honest appraisal of our lives and possibly major changes:

• Recognize the sources of stress and ways to minimize them.

• It may be necessary to change jobs or cut back hours worked.

• Relationship counselling may be needed or the ending of a damaging relationship may be the only solution.

• Ask for help or delegate to reduce your workload to manageable proportions.

• Take time out, a holiday, a break away, a rejuvenating physical and mental rest.

• Do things to recharge your batteries – pamper yourself and give yourself the things that others won’t.

• Look after yourself (because no one else will). Make sure you get enough sleep, eat well, exercise, have a healthy social life and have time for yourself.

• Rebuild your battered self-esteem.

• Find things that give you positive rewards and feedback (new people, activities, study, hobbies, whatever gives pleasure and builds confidence).

• If, after a life audit and practical changes you still feel run down see your doctor.

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