March 3rd, 2008
Entitlement
A strong sense of entitlement is a major symptom of narcissism. The narcissist insists that he/she is entitled to have whatever they want when they want it, without regard to what is fair or reasonable to others. Belief in such entitlement makes them arrogant, demanding, inconsiderate and selfish. He (or she) is never grateful because he believes that everything he receives is his due.
So he takes everything and everyone for granted. He expects to receive favours without every having to do anyone else a favour. He feels entitled to invade and trespass on others’ boundaries. He makes unrealistic demands and expects others to inconvenience themselves and to tie themselves in knots for his benefit.
If he doesn’t get what he wants he might well rant and rave, lash out, smash something, or threaten violence, not necessarily because he has problems with anger management, but because he wants to (and believes he is entitled to) act any way he chooses when he is upset.
He has no concern or respect for the rights of others but vigorously protects his own. Rules, guidelines, convention and laws apply to other people and he alone is entitled to disregard them.
Being special and superior entitles him to special treatment (like a celebrity guest in a five star hotel) simply because of who he is, not because he necessarily does anything to deserve favourable consideration. Like some regal potentate he assumes others will, and should, fulfil all his needs, joyously, and make any sacrifice for him without question or qualm. I once watched a well know TV personality throw a tantrum at a doctor’s surgery when the receptionist refused to let him jump the queue and see the doctor ahead of the patients who had bothered to make an appointment.
Someone so superior is entitled to get his way, to have whatever he wants without concern for how that affects anyone else. He feels entitled to receive without giving in return. He will flirt with other women, ignore his partner, treat her with disdain and yet still expect love and devotion. He is allowed to make demands and expect things and be disappointed and angry if he does not get them, but other people are not.
He lives a double standard that says, “You must do as I want but how dare you expect anything of me?” He expects to be loved for no good reason, unconditionally, without having to do a thing to deserve it. He feels entitled to rights and privileges that ordinary people do not have. Being so special and superior gives him the right to invade other’s space and privacy, make use of their possessions, “borrow” money without repaying it, keep them waiting, interrupt, criticize, insult, dominate, bully or ignore them.
He never appreciates anything people do for him because he genuinely believes that people enjoy feeding him, entertaining him, and going out of their way to do favours for him. He actually believes that doing things for him gives them pleasure, and that serving him is an uplifting experience. The late comedian Peter Sellers for example, treated his friends as though they were servants, expecting them to wait on him and cater to his every whim. If anyone refused he was stunned and hurt. A sense of entitlement inevitably leads to using and exploiting others.
Life is supposed to go his way and give him the things he needs and wants. He expects to be exempt from life’s difficulties and problems. He believes this so unquestioningly that it is like a law of nature to him, a matter of faith. So if some mishap, hardship or problem should arise he either denies it or expects someone else to fix it for him.
He sees it as his place and his right to make major decisions in a relationship without consulting his partner. She is supposed to accept and support major decisions that affect her, and yet that she has no say in.
In a relationship, he will make decisions without consulting his partner and give no consideration to the impact those decisions may have on her. He may for example, quit his job and decide to have a “rest” for a while and let his partner support him, or buy a major item, start a business, or decide on a holiday, without consultation.
Taken to extremes a sense of entitlement can lead to criminal acts—theft, sexual assault, violence or even murder. When you don’t believe the word ‘no’ applies to you, anything goes.
© Ultimate-self.com 2008. All rights reserved.
See related articles:
