Attention seekers
Many people, especially those with high levels of the trait of narcissism, crave attention in order to boost their egos and self-image. They need other people to validate their importance. Attention, preferably admiring attention, is fuel for the ego and the more attention such people get, the better they feel, so that for many, attention becomes a necessity, something they can’t live without. Attention seekers come in different varieties:
The Socializer
Everyone loves the Socializer. He or she is fun, the life and soul of every gathering. Socializing rules their life to the detriment of their education, career, family or even every-day functioning. He can’t be bothered with mundane and routine responsibilities and may even jeopardize his job because he is a ‘talker’ and easily distracted. At work he or she is more interested in mixing, gossip, lingering at the water cooler or tearoom than in actually doing what they are paid to do.
He wants a life free of bother, conflict and effort but mostly he wants people to like him. He is afraid of confrontation or displeasing anyone who might be part of his audience, which is virtually everyone. So she agrees with everyone (to their face at least) and won’t stand up for herself or those close to her because that might cause someone not to like her. The Socializer is a disappointment to anyone who relies on him. His audience always comes before his partner and family who eventually become burdened by the responsibilities he shuns in favour of his own recreation.
The Performer
The Performer is enthusiastic, dramatic, theatrical, exhibitionistic, charming and provocative. She loves the limelight, loves being the centre of attention and turns on a star performance to get it. She makes friends quickly and easily with gushing enthusiasm but she is artificial, shallow and insincere. She has no real interest in other people except as an audience, except as beings who shower her with attention and admiration. She is the star and everyone else the supporting players in her self-created drama. She is exhausting to be around, constantly demanding attention, reassurance, approval and praise. She has little capacity for introspection or sound judgement and is gullible, trusting and easily led and influenced. She is a slave to fads, fashions and anyone who flatters her. Her friends and partner soon discover that she is selfish, inconsiderate and untrustworthy.
The Body Beautiful
The Body looks good. Their whole concept of themselves is based on the external - their clothes, appearance, glamour, ‘image’, style, fitness - but in their case beauty really is only skin deep. There is nothing very much beneath the attractive surface. They need attention and admiration and have discovered that their looks are the best way to get them. They believe that looking good makes them good and is the solution to all life’s problems. Looking good will get them everything they want. They expect friends and partners to be endlessly flattering and adoring but the Body has little to offer beyond the pretty exterior.
Mr/Ms Bountiful
Mr Bountiful also craves attention but he tries to buy it with gifts, indulgences and favours. He pays for outings, meals, throws parties and generally tries to impress with his generosity so that everyone knows how ‘good’ he is. He cannot bear the thought that someone, anyone, might not like, admire and think highly of him. But his generosity to others is at the detriment of his partner and family for whom he has little time; he is too busy impressing ‘friends’ and strangers.
Troublemakers
Some people learn early that they get more attention for being ‘bad’ than being ‘good’. These people can even take pride in a reverse morality. There behaviour might be outrageous, criminal or violent.
Attention seekers can be show-offs and braggarts or they can be charming entertainers or someone who would help anyone out . But they make unreliable friends and romantic partners. An audience of one is rarely enough for them for very long.
Copyright Ultimate-self.com 2007 All rights reserved.
See related articles: Unnatural narcissism, Self-image, Disordered personalities.
